I’ve had this eating problem for about 3 years. I just hate the way I look, so I don’t eat. I have a BMI of 17.3, which isn’t too bad, I guess, but It’s been causing me to develop health issues. I sleep more and work less; I’m always in a horrible mood. And recently, I’ve started having suicidal thoughts. I’ve been cutting myself repeatedly, wishing I could die, simply because I’m ugly. I have no reason to live. I just want help, but there’s no one that cares.. I want to die most hours of the day.
There is so much going on in your life right now and I really want to thank you for emailing us. It sounds like you feel like you have no one to talk to, which can be very isolating, so I really think its great that you reached out for help, it shows how strong you are. You mentioned that you haven't been eating because you hate the way you look. Not eating isn't healthy, and I have to say, I'm really worried about you. It seems like you are really self-aware, and you have noticed how not eating is affecting you. I know you said you feel like no one cares, but I'm wondering if there is someone you would feel comfortable talking to, like a trusted adult or family member, or maybe a school counselor. I also want to give you the number to an eating disorder hotline based in Australia. They are called the Butterfly Foundation for Eating Disorders, and they are there to talk to you. Their number is 1800-33-4673.
You also mentioned you were having suicidal thoughts, which also worries me. I want you to know that suicide is not the answer and that things always have the capacity to get better. I want to give you the number to a hotline based in Australia. They're called Samaritans and they are there to talk to you. Their crisis number is 08 9381 5555 and their youth line's number is 08 9388 2500 and they are both open 24/7.
You also mentioned you are cutting. It sounds like you are using it as a coping mechanism to deal with everything that is going on in your life. I'm wondering if there is anything else that you can do to cope, like drawing, playing a sport, taking walks, or listening to music. I'm also wondering if there are any other things you can do instead of cutting, like drawing on yourself when and where you feel the urge to cut with a red pen or writing in a journal just so you can get your feelings out on paper. I also want to give you the link to www.self-injury.net. They are a website about self injury, and they have more coping mechanisms, information, and success stories about people who have been able to stop self harming.
It really sounds like you are being hard on yourself, and a lot of the time, that can make you feel really bad. I really want to encourage you to try being kind to yourself, which is easier said than done, but maybe just pick a part of yourself that you like, like your hair or your personality or something, and just go from there. Its really hard when you have high standards for yourself, and you feel like you aren't meeting them, but you seem really smart, and definitely strong because you were able to reach out for help, which is something not many people can do. It takes a lot of courage to do that. Unfortunately, we cannot take calls from Australia, but Samaritans is really great, and I really want to encourage you to give them a call. I really hope that everything works out for you.
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