TEEN QUESTION/PROBLEM:
Okay. Im in need of some advise. Ive had a very tough life. I jave adhd ever since a child. Mi paremts got divorsed eved since i was 3 or 4 and havent seen mi dad since. I get effin beat all da time for no effin reason and im sick and tired of it. Child servises has beem imvolved in mi family because of mi moms violent beats shes given me.. I had very longmarks in mi back and in mi face, she gave me a black eye and mi hamd/arm got swolen. She screams at me for no effin reason and dat pisses me off. She tells me im ugly, useless, and im just a useless piece of crap... I have very low self esteema and i hate myself im always depressed and have thought about suicide many times.. I cut myself be ause i find da pain quite soothing. Mi mom says im a lunatic because of the way i act sometimes.. She says that i dont like being with her and shyt. I feel like she doesnt understand me. You have no idea how much i could say "oh yea mi mOm is mi best friend too" no i say da opposite.. Im very afraidto get near her and if i tell her mi feelings she either laughs or calls me a pussy:'( it hurts you know? I beat myself all da time asking myself wtf did i do to desrve all of this.. Wtf did i do to the world.. If the world was cruel enougj to punish me with her then why doesnt it just get rid of me once and for all. Mi step father called me a thing and told since im such a stuborn child its mi fault he and mi mom cant be happy. ITS MI FAULT. I no its mi fault. This made me look at the world worser than i eved did i have tried to comit suicide alot of times but mi friends are always there to stop me. I tell them why they stop me, i wanna die and be ober with all he paim n they tell me they love me and stuff. I have betrayed mi own family because im so frightened by mi mom. Right now im in louisiana. I lived in housyon texas all mi lifeand was born there. We have moved at least 16 times if im not mistaken. And i dont mean skool but states as well. Ive been to florida and missisippi and chicago to louisiana. We are rentin da house in houston n we were getting it bak on december.. Mi stupid mom changed everythin and moved it to may. Now she wants to go to houston and since ive grown very fond of new orleans i dont want to leave. Shes gunna ruin mine and sisters life cuz all she gunna do is get into a huge fight wit mi step dad and end up movin to another state. Im tired of all this bullcrap n wNt to stay in new orleans because i actually for once in mi life loved sum one so much i dont wanna let go too soon. I cry myself to sleep thinking everything will be alright the next day when it really is not. I cant say goodbye to mi friends here because she never lets me out ima prisinor in own house she wont let me out at all. I keep askin miself wtf?!? Doesthe world hate me or sumtin?!? I dont know wat to do anymore.. I have co e to think im worthless and to be honest i am ashamed of who i am and wat i will become.. Or have become.. I hate every single part/trait i have and stuff. I want mi life differnet. I had a rough past im houston and im doing anythin for me not to go back. I told her to snd me to a private skool or boot camp because i blame miself for her nof bein happy n i want her to be happy without me cuz i no she will.. Im fukin up mi life for her goddam happiness but she doesnt give a fuk about mine.. It makes me really sad u no? I have no one to tlk to and im always loked up in mi house.. Please give some advise.. I need all da effin help i can get:'(

TEEN LINE WROTE:
Hello, thanks for contacting TEEN LINE. I'm really sorry to hear about the way that your mom treats you. It must be so frustrating, being forced to move around regularly, and I can definitely understand why you don't want to move from Louisiana. Cutting yourself is very dangerous and it can be fatal. I understand that you're in a really rough situation, but is there anything that you like to do that can possibly help to "sooth you" like you said the cutting does? Also, I know that you really want to get along with your mom and that you want to feel more appreciated by her. But please know that you do not deserve to be abused by her by any means. No matter what she says to you, any kind of abuse is unwarrented. Have you ever talked to anyone else about what goes on with your mom? Like maybe a teacher or a trusted adult? I encourage you to call Child Services again. They are there to protect you. Their number is 800-422-4453. It sounds like your friends in Louisiana really care about you. Have you ever talked to them about it? Im happy that your friends have stopped you from commiting suicide. I want to give you some refferals that can possibel help you in your endeavors even more so. You can call the Suicide Prevention Hotline. The number is 800.784.2433. Also, you can contact www.self-injury.net where you can research more ways to curb any urges you may feel to cut yourself. Call us too at 310-855-4673. We're open 6-10pm pst.

Good Luck,

a TEEN LINE listener