TEEN QUESTION/PROBLEM:
I didn't know whether to put this question in Abuse&Violence, or Relationships, because it involves both. I'm a girl, 14. I'm in a sexual relationship with an older guy. I love him, very dearly. He's very sweet, and understanding. He cares about me, when I get sick he worries more about me than I do. But, I feel like I don't deserve him. You see, I'm what most people would classify as a 'sadist' or just 'Sadistic'. When we have sex, I cut his arms, not hard, but...Just enough to make him bleed and whimper. People don't understand how beautiful a torturous scream is to me. I don't know if it's the power, the beautiful sigh of his blood, the excitement, or just making him hurt, but, I can't stop. One time I went as far as to slide needles in his stomach. Not very deep, but, almost 2 centimeters. He never complains, he does'nt fight back. I can't stop doing this but I want to, I really, really want to. If my mother knew I was like this, she'd disown me in a snap.

TEEN LINE WROTE:
Thanks so much for contacting TEEN LINE. Wow, it sounds like you are really conflicted with this situation, and I'm so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this alone. It's great that you wrote to us about your concerns becuase the actions your describe could be quite dangerous and harmful to your friend. You could accidentally hurt your friend very badly and potentially have lasting negative outcomes. It seems to me like you really want to stop and you don't have to figure this out alone. There is an organization called Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, and they deal with helping others curb obsessive compulsive patterns such as yours. You can find a meeting near you by going to this website: http://www.localslaa.org/node/7, and if it is easier for you, you can also call their hotline. You can choose which one works best for you by going to this website: http://www.localslaa.org/node/17. I can imagine how hard this must be for you to experience, but like I said, you are not alone. Aside from calling the hotline, maybe you could tell someone close to you. Maybe a therapist, friend, or a really close family member. It may make you feel better. In the meantime, feel free to call us if you have any questions or just want to talk. We are open every night from 6 to 10 PM Pacific Standard Time, and our number is 310 855 4673. You can also live chat with us at TeenlineOnline.org. Thanks so much and I hope everything works out.

Sincerely,

a TEEN LINE listener