TEEN QUESTION/PROBLEM:
This problem has been going on for a long time. Sometimes it just gets better by itself, but I don't think I can stand being a part of it any longer. I think the main issue is my dad. He doesn't use violence on us or anything, but what he says to us really hurts our family. We'd have good days and bad days, but usually these verbal fights happen when my mom does something or says something that she doesn't know it's offensive, like she doesn't mean anything bad to it, that's just how she talks. And my dad will take whatever she says and make a huge deal about it. They fight about the dumbest little things and would end up not talking to each other for months. He never stops and think about us and his own words and actions and that he also has faults. Sometimes he also finds me and my little sister an eye sore.. any little mistake we make, like for instance, my little sister left her earphones on the ground and he started screaming at her. Not scolding, screaming. I find him more like a stranger in the house, or like a child who throws these tantrums when things aren't going his way. I think he finds life boring, because all he does is go on the computer, watch tv and work. He doesn't really have an interest in me or my little sister's life. And when we're having fun, I think he hates that. He never says anything nicely, instead threatening at us to be quiet, he could say it without glaring at us. Whenever my parents lash out at each other, it really hurts us. I would tell him to stop and that whatever happened wasn't even a big deal and he would just tell me to shut up. Then I'd just go to my room and cry about it even though I tell myself not to. Then I would have these thoughts in my head, like making plans that I never carry out. These plans usually involve me running away or harming myself hoping that it would make him realize what's he doing to our family. I know my family needs help. I just don't know how I can get them to get help. It seems to me that I'm the only one that is going to take the initiative and find a solution. How do I tell them we need family counseling? Though, I don't think we can afford it, I feel that this is so important, I'd even pay for it myself with whatever I have in my own bank.
TEEN LINE WROTE:
Hey. I'm so happy you decided to email us. Fighting in the family is so hard to deal with and can be VERY disruptive. Are you and your sister safe considering the actions that are taken place in the home by your parents? It sounds like you really care about your family and want what's best. Have you talked to someone like a relative or school counselor? It might help for you to get your feelings out. Also, family counseling is absolutely a wonderful idea for your family. Have you researched family therapists online that are near you? Often times there are low fee counselors available. Maybe your school counselor could even recommend someone. Dealing with this alone, can be very difficult,so I really encourage you to talk to anyone you trust. You can always call or chat with us at TEEN LINE 310-855-4673. We are open from 6-10pm PST, Monday through Friday.
Hope to hear from you soon,
a TEEN LINE teen
