TEEN QUESTION/PROBLEM:
I don't know what to do or where to begin. I used to be really happy. It's really complicated. I used to have a really strong relationship with my grandma, but she passed away when I was 10. I was never really close with my parents or sister. My aunt from another country came and helped take care of my grandma when she was going through cancer, so I developed a strong relationship with her too. But a few years ago she moved out with her family and I rarely see her anymore because her job takes a lot of her time...and my mom doesn't really like her because she's jealous because I like my aunt more than I like her...and she thinks it's my aunt's fault but it's not. I used to cut but I stopped 1-2 years ago and I've been thinking about suiciding lately but I don't want to die but it's just so painful and I'm scared that God will hate me and send me to hell if I suicide. My parents are the typical type of asian parents who expect really good grades from me so I'm attending a bunch of honor classes at school even though I don't want to...I hate school...and no one understands me. I've been to a psychiatrist 2 times before but it didn't help, it really didn't. I felt so awkward in there and I didn't feel comfortable at all...I think professionals are people who just want people's money. I don't understand why we can't all just share our wealth in the world and live together peacefully with one another without hate or murder or rape or other things. I'm scared to talk to anyone anymore and I don't trust my family enough to tell them these things...and even less a stranger...I feel cornered and I don't know what to do. I don't know what I did to ever deserve this karma. I don't think happiness is possible for me...I spend a lot of time thinking about the big questions...like why were we created, what happens after death..etc, and the more I find out about the truth the more depressed I become and I've come too far and I can't go back anymore. I feel like just the way I think is extremely different from other people...please help me

TEEN LINE WROTE:
I'm really glad you are reaching out for help by contacting TEEN LINE.

It seems like you have been through a lot and you have a lot of stresses on you. Have you talked to your parents about the stress you feel about school and home? You said that you don't feel comfortable with them but you do feel comfortable with your aunt. Do you think that you can talk to your aunt, even on the phone, when she isn't busy?

Having people to support you through hard times can be really comforting and helpful. Do you think that you could talk to a school therapist? Just venting to someone, even if they aren't an official psychiatrist.

You said you are becoming weary of professional psychiatrist. Have you tried a different psychiatrist? Each professional psychiatrist is a different person and they all have different styles and personality. Would you be willing to try out a new psychiatrist? Also, some people find comfort in hobbies or activities to take their mind off of the stress or feeling depressed. Have you thought of starting any new hobbies that you really might enjoy? A lot of schools have clubs or after-school activities that you could look into. Do you have any ways of coping with your stress and the emotion al pain you feel? Some people find journaling, running, art, dance, sports and a variety of other things helpful. You just have to find what helps you most.

You seem like you think about a lot of things that people your own age may not. It must be frustrating to not be able to talk about the things that are important to you and that you think about so much. There are other people out there who think about all these things like you do. Joining a club or a new activity may help you meet these kinds of people.

Also, you mentioned thoughts about suicide. I'm really concerned for your safety and wellbeing. Suicide is definitely not the answer to your pain and depression. When you are thinking this way you should take it seriously and find someone to talk to. You can call us when you feel this way. I'm really proud of you for stopping cutting. I know that can be really hard to do. It seems like you have started dealing with your stress and pain better and I would be so worri ed for your safety if you were feeling suicidal. I hope you would reach out for help or call us when you are feeling suicidal.

Please feel free to give us a call about any of these or any other problems you are facing. We are open from 6-10 PM PST every night. Our number is 310-855-4673 and another option for you to call is the Suicide Prevention Hotline and that number is 877-727-4747. Feel free to call either number for support and someone to talk to.
a TEEN LINE teen