First off, I am very sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time in your life. I am sure you have heard it all by now. But to answer your question, I think you are a little bit of both. You are confused as to what your life means right now, but you also said you want to end your life. Once again, it saddens me to hear that, but I can only say that it gets better. Even if the storm seems like forever, or if its been going on for years, it will get better. I want you to hang on, try your very best to find at least one thing to put your faith in. Whether that is God, a friend, or a journal, find something or someone you can trust and love. Stay strong.
“Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're still alive, it isn't.”