October 1st to December 29th. Exactly 90 days as best as I can count. I thought we were more than that, but I guess not.
My first girlfriend, my first love, I thought I gave 100% of myself to her and to everything that we were. I sure as heck tried to. Our love was all that I'd ever known when it comes to love. It sure wasn't like what the rest of my life is. It was caring, understanding, loving...what I thought a real mutual relationship was. Nothing like what my home life is.
I'd purposefully not gotten involved in any kind of relationship prior to this because when it felt right I wanted it to last...I know forever might have been a bit much, but I wasn't in it just for fun. I was in this for real. I wanted it to mean something when it happened...that's why I waited so long. I wanted it to really mean something.
I thought it would be something special. I suppose it was in a way I guess...my first kiss, my first dance, my first time ever telling someone that I loved them. All of that stuff that I had never said or done because I wanted to save it for someone really special.
I just thought it would last more than 90 days...I realize that at only 17 forever is pushing it, and that only after 90 days of being an official couple it probably wasn't right of me to think that way, but I still had this hope in the back of my mind. I wouldn't have opposed the idea.
We had talked about it a few times. She wanted to go into the Navy, I said I would gladly wait for her. I wanted (and still do want) to go to college and she backed me 100%. We had said at one point that maybe after she got out of the Navy we could quit this whole "we're dating" stuff and get married. I guess that won't happen though.
So what ultimately ended it all? Well apparently;"It just felt too fast, I need time, I cant rush into this. I'm so sorry."
So that's it. At least it wasn't a bad breakup...at least I don't think it was. She said we can still talk and she'd still like me to sit with her at lunch. Says we can still be close and we can still be friends but I have this suspicion that this is probably the beginning of the end for us. Not the metaphorical "us" as in relationship "us" but "us" as in any-kind-of-friendship-that-we-used-to-have "us."
I'll probably survive this and eventually move on, but it was the suddenness that still has me wondering. I thought everything was great, but then one of those "we need to talk" phone calls later and it's over.
I loved her and hope she knew that. She said she loved me too and I guess I thought I knew that.
I told her once...I said, "See baby? See what a woman can do to a guy? You get into our hearts and look what happens...we just fall head over heels in love with you."
She just smiled and melted my heart with those hazel eyes...
I guess I'll pick up the pieces of my heart, put my shattered dreams in my back pocket, and just continue on.
After all, what else is there to do anyways?
I guess the only thing I need to think about now though is how in the world to I tell this to my "all-so-loving" parents...