Falling fast

[savevsnerdery]

I need advice. I can't stop. I've been high on something for the majority of the past two weeks and I feel like I'm going to lose it. Everything in my life is being torn to shreds, and it started before this! My job is chaotic, constant mixed signals, I'm completely broke financially and living in my mom's old house by myself. I haven't seen my daughter in days, and her father just told me this last weekend that he wanted to stop being abusive and get back together, months after we split up and I'm already with someone else. I put up with it for a year, waited for a year, poured everything I had into the relationship and didn't even get decent human respect back. I can't afford to pay my bills, my car is broken down and no one will believe me because it's the starter and so it works when it pleases and doesn't when it's feeling lazy.

I'm exhausted, on edge, I've been having night terrors like crazy and I went to see my doctor and he was busy so he wrote me a scrip but didn't even have the time to talk about it. I had to Google the stupid thing just to find out what it was. Turns out he gave me an anti-histamine for my anxiety but it's an opiate enhancer and I've been blazed out of my mind since. I drove home for an hour last night and I don't really know how I got home okay, and that thought doesn't bother me nearly as much as it should. I'm at the breaking point. I've started cutting again and I want to die. My dad f*** me up so badly, I'm so scared that if I'm still getting like this then I'll just mess my daughter up just like he did.

[TL TEEN]

Wow, you've really had to deal with a lot recently. I am so sorry you've been going through so much. This all must be really overwhelming for you. I am really worried about you because it seems like as a result of having to deal with job, relationship, and family troubles, you've begun to cause harm to yourself. Although cutting gives a temporary feeling of relief, it can be really dangerous. Maybe you could visit the website:
www.self-injury.net to read some ideas and stories from other people who cut. You also said that you've been high for most of the past two weeks because of your night terror medication. It might be a good idea for you to get in contact with a doctor, even if the doctor is a friend or family member, to discuss the medication both to learn more about it in general and to learn if/when it is safe for you to drive while taking it.
It sounds like you really care about your daughter. It is very brave of you to admit that you're father had a really bad effect on you and you're worried you'll have the same effect on her. It must be very difficult to have to have the father of your child want to get back into a relationship with you, especially after he treated you so terribly and you are in a different relationship. I can imagine that this would give you a lot of mixed feelings. But as long as you think your decision is what is best for the health, safety, and ultimate happiness for you and your child, then I'm sure your decision will be the right one. I can imagine that you would be feeling very lonely but maybe talking to a close friend or family member who you trust could help you feel better. It is important to talk about your feelings rather than keep them bottled up inside of you. I work at Teen Line and I would definitely recommend calling if you feel comfortable. Calling and talking to someone who is listening and sympathizing and genuinely wants to help could really make you feel better. You could also look through the Youth Yellow pages to try to find another hotline you might feel more comfortable calling. I really hope you will consider talking to someone about what you've been going through. You've had to be so brave, both for yourself and for your daughter, and I really think it could help if you felt like you had a trustworthy support system backing you up.

Thanks for reaching out,

Emma

[TryingToBeBetter]

slow down; ur going way 2 fast here. now, if u think u've hit rock bottom...the way is to go up, riiight?

first, u have to rebuild ur life. find a decent job, fix ur relationship, get u and ur daughter back together. and r-e-l-a-x. with so much anxiety, u relaly r gonna crash.

hope u get better...

[savevsnerdery]

Since I posted this, I went into psych inpatient, was kicked out of my house, homeless for a week, moved in with my soon-to-be-ex-step-mom and brother, my car won't start at all now and I had to move 2 hours away so I lost my job. I've only gotten to see my daughter once in this whole month, and I found out I was pregnant only to miscarry (probably due to my psych meds) within a week of finding out. I'm cutting again, bad, though I had quit for about three weeks. I've been off of weed since Sunday, and cigs since this morning but I just went over my 24-hour max dose of my anxiety meds in about 30 minutes and I still can't stop shaking. It's bad enough that all of these things are happening to me, but I've been having pain from the miscarriage so strong that it knocks my breath out. I don't know what to do.