i had such a bad day at school today. i honestly couldn't stop thinking about killing myself and slitting my wrists. the teacher kept asking me question and i couldn't pay attention. she kept saying "Isabelle...Isabelle.. heello? are you with us?" and everyone stared at me but i didn't notice because i was thinking about a razor running across my wrist, and then the room being covered in blood. i didn't even realize she was calling on me. then in 4th block, i had LOYO and i couldn't take it anymore. i started shaking and i didn't know what to do. i panicked so bad and i took a pencil sharpener out of my bag and literally tried tearing it apart with my fingernails. and when i couldn't get the razor out of it, i started crying. it took me like an hour, but i finally asked if i could have a pass to guidance. i went to guidance, but i had no clue what to say.. so i basically just sat there. i sent her an email though, and i'm going back to see her tomorrow morning because she told me to, but i just don't know what to say to her. i don't know how to put my feelings into words anymore. these are my feelings: http://fake-smiles-and-hidden-tears.tumblr.com
... how am i supposed to explain all that to her?! i don't know what to tell her. i'm scared. what if i do commit suicide..?