really complicated could go under several topics...

[onlyme]

Backstory: I was raped my freshman year in college. A year later i tried to commit suicide and failed. I never let any guy touch me after what happened, then I met this girl who was also raped and tried to commit suicide… Come to find out she was a lesbian/bi… Anyway we started hanging out and i could tell her anything like as my best friend, and then we both developed feelings for each other, both of us admitted it.

Well she didn't want to have a commitment, the way she described it to me was that we would be emotionally/physically together but she would also be with this guy she just met physically (to meet her needs or whatever). It hurt me really bad. So I tried the same and let my friend ryan "touch" me. She didn't like it and we fought over jealousy mostly mine…After our big fight on valentines day the following week she and her toy as she used to call him got married

Anyway she decided she can no longer deal with me. And hasn't spoken to me in a month. I can't get this girl out of my head. I never considered myself gay or bi and we never even kissed but I really miss her and loved her.

On the flip side now in less than three months I have had sex with three different guys. Going for the only time ever experiencing sex.. to now feeling like a slut. It may be a control thing i don't know… but i don't know what to do… Any advise on any of it would be nice

[SoWaTiFiMdIfFeReNt]

What I would do was figure ou tmy priorities. First, I think you need to solve your sexuality. Don't choose one based off of what's cool or what people may think about you, do what feels right and what you want. Be yourself. Everybody "experiments" Try maybe dating another girl or so (not at the same time) and see if it's the same. Maybe you and the other girl were just really close? Don't sleep with people to get over the past or cover emotions, do it because you love them. Having a one-night-stand everynight means your a slut. Dating a guy and actualy getting to know him first- just means your human. I hope you solve all this.
~SoWaTiFiMdIfFeReNt