Hi! My name's pushnotpull, I'm 13, queer, and I am in grade nine.
I have a bit of a problem.
You see, there's this girl, who we'll call Oxford.
Well, before I get into it all, I'll explain a bit more.
So, Oxford is in my high school. We met both through our school's theatre company and through the Class Sisters program. You see, every year, each junior picks a freshman who is their 'little sister'. They exchange letters and get to know each other, and then there is a 'big reveal', or Freshman Induction. Since then, we've also taken orchestra together and really gotten to know each other, and it's great having someone like her there to support me when I need it.
However, things got complicated. You see, Oxford is really really great. She's always sweet and supportive and funny. She likes the same music and movies that I do. We really click in a way. But, as I got to know Oxford better, I developed more complicated feelings for her. Romantic feelings. And now I am confused.
I've talked about it with a few of my friends. They say that she seems to be interested (maybe) and they've told me that, if I were to make some sort of move, it would most likely be received well.
You see, I've been picking up on a few signs, as one could call them. She's incredibly warm around me, something that she is not with many other people. She's usually very anti-social, but with me, she seems to open up a bit more. She also hugs me often, and hugs back. This is particularly interesting considering that she is often known to reject hugs, and has even told other people that she "only likes hugs from [me]." Also, she's called me such things as "hun" and "[her] ladder girl". Again, this is unusual given her typical nature. We've done many things together, such as attending a Trans-Siberian Orchestra show alone together, and we've gone out for coffee several times. Most recently, we went to attend a lecture at a local university, but she got lost driving us, so we simply went out for coffee, and she insisted on picking up the bill. Now, I do not know if this is simply an act of general kindness, but this sort of courtesy has been extended several times before. These things have lead to speculation among my peers concerning our relationship, something I find rather fun. When we aren't hanging out, we're usually either SMS-ing or messaging each other online. People have told me that these things indicate that she may be interested in something more, but I'm frankly just not sure.
Another thing is that Oxford's sexuality has been up in the air for a while. Most recently, a friend of mine informed me that she had spoken to her class sister, who happens to be Oxford's friend since early childhood. She asked about Oxford's sexuality, and confirmed that she certainly does not have any interest in males. However, it can still be questioned whether she's ace or gay.
Now, with all of these reassuring things, I feel like it may be wise to just step up and do something. However, that intimidates me, as I have generalised anxiety as well as severe social anxiety. The prospect of me doing something of this sort is absolutely terrifying, and I don't know what to do.
What would you advise?
Thanks so much!