Guy friend asked me out? Awkward...

[foxeye44]

A good guy friend of mine asked me out the other day. I did not have the same feelings and today I told him no (nicely, that a "solid relationship" wasn't going to work out). Now it's super super super awkward around him, and he's acting all mopey and depressed.

I kind of wish I could just avoid him, because I kind of just want to get on with my life, but he's in two of my classes and sits right in front of me in one, and I am not the sort of person to start a conversation and "make things right" between us.

I declined him this afternoon after classes, and I'll be seeing him again tomorrow, and I'm afraid things are going to be all pressured silences and uncomfortable glares for the rest of the year. I mean, he's a really good friend but I think this incident has completely destroyed that! Now all I want to do is try to ignore him and not talk to him, because I'm mad also that he literally just broke up with his really really close girlfriend a few days ago.

I know acting like he's not there would be mean to him, but is it the only way to get this situation out of my head? Maybe things will cool off soon if I try avoiding him for a while, to gather myself?

[PGHS-387]

Well coming from a guy's perspective here, I can totally understand why he's acting how he is. Was it hurtful to him? Probably, but at the same time I think it was very mature of yourself to give an honest answer and not subject him (and yourself) to what can commonly be referred to as "pity dating." I'm not saying his feelings or his actions weren't genuine, but still I feel that if your feelings towards him were as you say, then I think you made the right choice.
As a great (female) friend once told me after a bad breakup,
"It's better to find out now than find out ___ weeks/days/months/years later when it will have certainly hurt more."

Should you pay attention to yourself and your own emotions? Yes, certainly. However, I think you should also find someway to let him know that you haven't deleted him off of your friends list. Again, talking from personal experience here, there is nothing worse than revealing that part of yourself to someone only to have them "slam the door in your face" so to speak and cut every and all past ties with you.
Does finding out that your feelings aren't mutual cut deep? It certainly does, but in my opinion what cuts even deeper more is losing the person all together.

I think that it might be best to let things cool down a bit if you sense that he (or you) needs it, but I think it would also be best to let him know that just because you don't want a romantic relationship doesn't mean that you can't be friends. Maybe talking like old friends right off the bat is a bit much, but I don't think there's anything wrong with the occasional smile or light conversation (like the famous, "How's the weather?" type of conversations). Just take it easy and try not to rush things. I'm sure he's hurt, embarrassed, and maybe even a bit disappointed in himself, but showing him (gradually remember!) that you are still willing to be friends will definitely help the situation.

Good luck and God Bless.

[foxeye44]

Thank you. Things are better now.

[PGHS-387]

Glad to hear that it worked out.