I definitely think my father's a part of it but I know that's not ALL of it. I was having these self-destructive urges before the thing with my father happend, they weren't as strong or "dark" as they r now but I still remember having them. I know that regardless of the sex stuff that hapened with my father that he's never been around anyway and I really do crave for a dad sooo bad that it hurts and I cry sometimes but when I get these urges it's not always because I'm feeling neglected or in need of attention.. I can't really explain it but it's like this constant thing.. like I fantasize about getting abused(sexually, physically, & emotionally) and controlled and I crave it like most pple probably want for sex.. I'm interested in having relationships with guys around my age, I look at guys and think about them and stuff like other girls do but if they're not abusive and controlling/dominating in some way I lose interest in them romantically. Idk what my problem is but I can feel that it's more to it than just the issues with my father..