What happens now??

[XxAnonymousxX]

Okay, so I started cutting about two months ago, and now I have cuts on over 50% of my body. My face, my arms, my shoulders, my stomach, my thighs, my calves. Everywhere. I don't know why this is happening. I'm just fixated on blood. I cut and then I smear blood all over the place. It's sick but I love it. But Everything is scaring and I know I won't be able to hide it from people much longer, especially during summer. On top of that i get random panic attacks where i feel like if I'm not with someone right away, ill do something horrible. I'm also developing bulimia...again. No one thinks there is anything wrong with me. They all think I'm happy when really I'm one hair away from jumping off a bridge. If they saw what i looked like beneath all these clothes they would be repulsed. Seriously, I'm starting to look like a horror movie and I can't stop. I'm hideous. I can't tell my mom. I've tried to talk to her about my mental state before and I had a meltdown. It was a complete disaster. But I know she'll find out sooner or later, so my question for you all and people who have gone through something similar is, what happens once people know? Will they lock me up? Id probably rather be locked up and get all my problems dealt with stright out than go through months of once a week therapy. Im horrible at talking to people face to face like that. Ugh, Where the hell do things go from here?

[IAmApple]

I honestly feel your pain I'm in the same boat... I've been cutting since I was 14 years old, I'm 2 months shy of 20. I'm strongly considering going into a rehab place, it may be tomorrow or the next day but my strength is seriously telling me to do it because I don't want to be riddled with scars all my life....I don't want to deal with the pain and the anxiety of no one knowing then thinking no one cares when if people knew they did. See where I'm getting at? Make me a promise, I myself may no be able to reply because I'm going to most likely check into a place sometime this week, (I'm so socially awkward I can barely talk to my own family so trust me.) you try to do the same....Your family WILL NOT hate you, they will comfort you, my family knew of my problem when I was young, I was in a Child Out Patient program it helped...For a few months,...Then I was released and it past....Trust me...Please for me, a person who knows what it's like get the help now...Because you end up not knowing what to do because you didn't tell anyone and you only told yourself because you thought no one would care or listen when they would.

[XxAnonymousxX]

Thanks so much for replying and I do hope you get some help too. For the past few days I've honestly been trying to figure out some way to get to a rehab place. But I really don't know how to go about doing it. Im sooo afraid I'll get there and they'll just send me home for some 'normal' therapy. I really don't want that. I'd sooo much rather go to a hospital for a week or something. I just couldn't deal with my parents looking at me with those sad eyes while I go through this, therefore i think if I'm in a program it would be easier. But how do I find one? If I went to the hospital would they help me? I don't know. I'm so confused about all of this.