My name is Renee for those of you who are new to my posts. I have an eating disorder, well a couple. I want to thank everyone who has read and or commented my posts. I love to read you comments, a lot of them help me more than i could ever put into words. Just knowing that i have this extended support system makes me think that i can really do this. I am now trying for the second time to get better, not only for myself and my body but for my family too. I am so sorry to everyone i have hurt in the last two months. I am posting this here because i dont think i can say it to my whole family yet. Its different this time, i dont want to yell and scream and tell everyone to stay out of my life. i feel ashamed of what i am doing to everyone, what i am putting them through. Two months ago i had stopped eating again. At a family event i passed out from the lack of nutrition to my body. i was wheeled away from my family by the paramedics and as we went i watched my grandparents cry and my little sister and brother yelling not to take me away again. i watched my boyfriend at my side with tears running down his face, the first time i have ever seen him cry, and i felt ashamed. I have now been transferred from an inpatient to an outpatient clinic. i have been home for a week and have not been able to face my family. im not sure what to say. I was always so careful about not letting anyone see me though up or skip meals, or tear my food into lil pieces. because if i was hurting myself that was one thing, nut to hurt my family is a whole other thing. its unforgivable in my eyes. i just dont know what to do. please if you read this please please leave me a message. i could really use my support group right now.
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”