*Finding your faith*

[peridido]

My name is Renee for those of you who are new to my posts. I have an eating disorder, well a couple. I want to thank everyone who has read and or commented my posts. I love to read you comments, a lot of them help me more than i could ever put into words. Just knowing that i have this extended support system makes me think that i can really do this. I am now trying for the second time to get better, not only for myself and my body but for my family too. I am so sorry to everyone i have hurt in the last two months. I am posting this here because i dont think i can say it to my whole family yet. Its different this time, i dont want to yell and scream and tell everyone to stay out of my life. i feel ashamed of what i am doing to everyone, what i am putting them through. Two months ago i had stopped eating again. At a family event i passed out from the lack of nutrition to my body. i was wheeled away from my family by the paramedics and as we went i watched my grandparents cry and my little sister and brother yelling not to take me away again. i watched my boyfriend at my side with tears running down his face, the first time i have ever seen him cry, and i felt ashamed. I have now been transferred from an inpatient to an outpatient clinic. i have been home for a week and have not been able to face my family. im not sure what to say. I was always so careful about not letting anyone see me though up or skip meals, or tear my food into lil pieces. because if i was hurting myself that was one thing, nut to hurt my family is a whole other thing. its unforgivable in my eyes. i just dont know what to do. please if you read this please please leave me a message. i could really use my support group right now.
Thank you

[xareasontolivex]

i have a friend with an eating disorder. she, unlike you, doesn't realize how many people she is hurting. her family, and now her friends, think it is just for attention. maybe it is. maybe it's not. anyway, as for you. i know it's hard. believe me. it sounds like you have a family and a boyfriend who care the world for you. it's time for you to talk to them. maybe not all at once. maybe just one or two at a time. i would talk to your boyfriend first. tell them what you told me, as a reader of your article. tell them that "hurting myself is one thing, but hurting my family is a whole different thing". i believe in you. i KNOW you can do this. i have faith in you! with everyone around you believing in you and supporting you, how could you then turn away from them all and not believe in or support yourself. it's all a mind game that you have to play with yourself. everytime you get the urge to not eat or throw up or whatever else, go sit with a family member or your boyfriend and just put on a movie. or just say you want to just talk. whatever it is that may help you, do that! if you like sports, go outside during the difficult times and just run. whatever it may be that you like, just find something to get your mind off of the eating disorder for a while. you have the support body to make sure you get better. i truly care about you and your story and idek you. i know you can do this. i promise. if you need me, i'm here.

[peridido]

I want to thank everyone who has read, commented, or messaged me!! All your support truly is helpful. I feel like im not so alone in this anymore. and no matter how i want it, my family is now very much a big part of this. And thats something i am beginning to deal with day by day.

[xareasontolivex]

the more and more they get involved, the more and more you will begin to feel better. anything you can "distract" yourself with is a great way to relieve any stress, anxiety, eating disorder, etc. that's all it usually takes. PM me if you need me.