It sounds like you are feeling sad and scared over feeling happy with being hungry. We can’t help how we feel sometimes so you aren’t alone. Also, it seems like you are aware of the effects of an eating disorder and that’s good; awareness is a first step. Though you said that you don’t want help, I want to encourage you to find out more about the eating disorder since its not healthy.
I’m concerned about you and your health since losing a lot of weight is harmful to one’s health. Its normal to feel like you aren’t in control in some things in life, many teens go through it as well so you aren’t alone. There are healthy ways though to be in control. Do you have any favorite activities like sports, or any hobbies? Talking to others about how you feel may also be a good way to have a sense of control since you have their attention. A trusted adult, friend or even couselor may be a support system in your life. If you need anyone else to listen don’t be shy to contact TEEN LINE. They are a great resource and there are many ways of contacting them; via e-mail, message board, live chat, and by phone: 1-800-TLC TEEN.