Extreme Depression...I don't know what to do

[musicman432]

I'm new here. I found this site while looking for help for teens online.

I'm a 16 year old guy, I've been home schooled all my life.

In January my grandmother passed away after a 5 month battle with lung cancer. That was really hard on the family. She was the ultimate perfect grandmother, just like the fairy tales.

We were finally getting back to life and moving on at the end of March...when we got a call early in the morning. My uncle was killed in a freak car crash while driving home from a pub he frequently played his music at. He was the only one involved, he wasn't DUI, they think he fell asleep at the wheel. He was the big brother I never had. He was my mentor, my inspiration. And now he's gone.

I am just now starting to get past the numb feeling. Now I wake up and I feel ancient, like I'm a hundred years old. I feel completely and thoroughly mentally and physically exhausted. I have no energy. I can't focus on anything. I am so hopelessly behind on schoolwork that I have no motivation to even continue. The only thing I can focus on a bit better is music. I play my heart and soul out. But that's not good enough for everyone around me. No one understands, no one has sympathy. Everybody just says 'I'm sorry for your loss.' They all expect me to get back to life as though nothing ever happened.

My mother is my counselor, my teacher in life, and always has been. But now she's a completely different person. I lost an uncle, she lost a brother, but I don't think either one of us is feeling less pain than the other. Sometimes she's unnaturally angry, and puts me down for not doing my schoolwork. Other times she just sits in a chair and stares blankly and doesn't seem to know what to do. She's trying to keep her head above water and I don't want to burden her any more than necessary.

Anyone reading this probably thinks I'm at risk for suicide. I'm not. Even if I wanted to kill myself I couldn't because I would feel too guilty. I can't hurt my family any more than they already are.

I don't know what to do. I have nowhere to turn for help. I'm lost without a map.

[Avni]

hi thr ,i think u prbably need a frn or sumone to talk to ,i knw hw it feels ,maybe u shud socialize nd gt to knw ppl more nd do sum activities whch really keeps u busy ,dun wrry evrthng will be f9 so yeah jus relax .if u need a frn maybe i can help
well yeah cause ppl here dunt reply really

[PurpleAddict]

Hey..
I am 16 and homeschooled also!
I don't know what it is like to have someone close to me pass away.. but I do know what it is like to be extremely depressed. My family has gone through some pretty hard times too.
I know it can be hard to just continue on everyday. Daily, simple things become some of the hardest things to do, let alone the major things that need to be accomplished.
I know it is very difficult to be in that kind of situation, to wake up one day with the world on your shoulders and just be expected to grow up and get through it.
I realized that saying these simple things won't help much, but if you ever need someone to vent to or just talk with then feel free to message me!
I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Sincerely,
Concerned.