I'm new here. I found this site while looking for help for teens online.
I'm a 16 year old guy, I've been home schooled all my life.
In January my grandmother passed away after a 5 month battle with lung cancer. That was really hard on the family. She was the ultimate perfect grandmother, just like the fairy tales.
We were finally getting back to life and moving on at the end of March...when we got a call early in the morning. My uncle was killed in a freak car crash while driving home from a pub he frequently played his music at. He was the only one involved, he wasn't DUI, they think he fell asleep at the wheel. He was the big brother I never had. He was my mentor, my inspiration. And now he's gone.
I am just now starting to get past the numb feeling. Now I wake up and I feel ancient, like I'm a hundred years old. I feel completely and thoroughly mentally and physically exhausted. I have no energy. I can't focus on anything. I am so hopelessly behind on schoolwork that I have no motivation to even continue. The only thing I can focus on a bit better is music. I play my heart and soul out. But that's not good enough for everyone around me. No one understands, no one has sympathy. Everybody just says 'I'm sorry for your loss.' They all expect me to get back to life as though nothing ever happened.
My mother is my counselor, my teacher in life, and always has been. But now she's a completely different person. I lost an uncle, she lost a brother, but I don't think either one of us is feeling less pain than the other. Sometimes she's unnaturally angry, and puts me down for not doing my schoolwork. Other times she just sits in a chair and stares blankly and doesn't seem to know what to do. She's trying to keep her head above water and I don't want to burden her any more than necessary.
Anyone reading this probably thinks I'm at risk for suicide. I'm not. Even if I wanted to kill myself I couldn't because I would feel too guilty. I can't hurt my family any more than they already are.
I don't know what to do. I have nowhere to turn for help. I'm lost without a map.